u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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