Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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