He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
