I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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