I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
