I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
