I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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