I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
