Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
