so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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