apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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