Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
