im drinking this country out of the recession.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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