Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
