You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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