Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
