dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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