I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
