There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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