i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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