Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think I died a long time ago.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
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you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.