did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
