I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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