...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party