I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.