Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.