When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
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Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze