I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.