Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so that wasnt chicken after all
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
