I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
