The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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