I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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