Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The best revenge is premature balding
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
