I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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