She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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