She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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