my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
