I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
