Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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