Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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