I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
