The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
