I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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