I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
