i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
