:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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