I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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