sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
