Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
