there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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