I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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