It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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