this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
