was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize