I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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