God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
