I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dicks are not precious.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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