Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
