And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
