Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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