I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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