I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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