We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
you never un-have a 4some
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
