Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
