Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
