How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
