I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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