She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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