i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
