You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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