We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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