I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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