update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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