weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
