So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
