my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
