and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize