Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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